Detachment from a toxic or unhealthy relationship can be challenging but ultimately liberating.
It is better to start all over with the right person than be stuck with the wrong one. Here are 10 proven steps to help you detach from the wrong man:
Recognize the signs -
Take a step back and honestly assess your relationship... Ask yourself, Are you experiencing:
- Gaslighting (manipulation of reality)
- Disrespect (constant criticism, belittling)
- Manipulation (guilt trips, emotional blackmail)
- Toxicity (constant drama, everyday stress)
- Abuse (physical, emotional, verbal, mental)
Be sincere with yourself oh...If you nodded yes, it's time to acknowledge the truth.
Mama, you have to detach!
Reaffirm your words and needs -
Reflect on what you need in a partner to become the woman you want to be in:
- 5 years (short-term goals)
- 10 years (mid-term goals)
- 50 years (long-term vision)
What are your non-negotiables?
What values, attitudes, and qualities do you desire in a partner?
What is the relationship of your dream? (No be fantasy o..real life!)
Write it down or know and note it.
Talk to Someone for Accountability and Solace -
This is the stage where you reach out to someone. It could be A therapist, counselor, coach or A trusted professional.
If you cannot afford professional services, it’s okay. Get a mature and empathetic same-gender friend or mentor.
I say same-gender because you are vulnerable and can be taken advantage of, in this period.
Avoid rebounding into another relationship! Focus on your healing and growth sis!
Communicate with your partner
If possible, express your feelings and concerns to your partner.
Tell him you can’t move on for xyz reasons (which you listed in number 1 and 2).
However, If your partner is abusive, prioritize your safety, by considering a third-party to serve as a mediator.
It could be a supportive friend/family member, but you must FEEL SAFE around that person.
Create Distance -
At this stage, you need to Establish boundaries! Real-time!
Here are some things you should do:
- Establish a “No contact” policy (both physically & virtually). Don’t go visiting o.
- Block or limit social media interactions. Don’t monitor their posts and be liking or commenting.
- Avoid shared spaces as much as possible.
This might sound a bit harsh, but it is needed. Protect yourself from toxic influence. Detaching is HARD.
Create a new normal -
At this point, you will have to Replace old habits with new ones.
- Try new hobbies
- Meet new people
- Explore new places
- Engage in self-care activities (Read my previous article on self care)
Sis!
Rediscover yourself!
Practice Emotional Release -
Do not hoard your emotions sis! Let it out!!!
- Allow yourself to Cry
- Process your emotions
- Journal your thoughts and feelings
- Engage in therapy or counseling
- Express yourself creatively (art, music, writing)
- Convert your pain into productivity
Embrace your new reality sis. I know it’s hard, but you got to move on sis!
Work on you -
Sis, Invest in your personal growth!
You sef don try for love.
Here are some aspects to focus on:
- Career development
- Spiritual growth
- Financial literacy
- Mental wellness
- Workshops, courses, or Academics
Empower yourself mama!
Surround Yourself with Great People -
Babe, in this phase of your life, you need to seek supportive relationships.
Avoid people that will make you feel less valued.
Nurture great connections!
Involve God -
Sis, you should deepen your relationship with God. Join a Local church, Pray more!
Remember, detaching from the wrong man is a journey.
Babes! Be patient, kind, and compassionate with yourself.
I HOPE YOU FIND THE STRENGTH YOU NEED AND THE RIGHT PEOPLE TO SURROUND YOU.
